Saturday, October 6, 2012

Nollywood...then (Part II)


The stories they adapt are unbelievable! It’s like they think we, the audience, are a bunch of illiterates- even illiterates will not sit down and take in the crappy storylines we are always fed with each time a new Nollywood movie comes out. I wonder when we will get to the level of producing edgy movies and story lines that are so fresh ‘out of the box’. We no doubt have very good screenplay and our actors have managed to strike the chord and broken legs with their mastery of the performing arts concept, but sadly, that is not enough to bring the ‘cup’ home deservingly.

It is so sad that Ramsey Nouah has been stereotyped as a lover boy in every Nigerian movie and Patience Ozokwor is a labeled impious mother in law or seditious wife. When will we get to the level where Patience Ozokwor will act as ‘Mamma Mia’ like Meryl Streep did or where veterans like Olu Jacobs, Justus Esiri and Pete Edochie will do their own ‘Bucket List’ like Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson? These are realistic storylines. When will we get to produce pragmatic college (university) movies where real youngsters are used not Rita Dominic or Chioma Chukwuka acting like ‘fresh out of secondary school’ girls? It upsets me more to see that Nigerian producers cannot even take a cue from our endless reality shows on dance and other stuff and make movies out of them.

We have wonderfully talented dancers in the Nigerian youth, yet the best one director came up with was Ramsey Nouah and Rita Dominic…two people with, perhaps no history of dance whatsoever! The movie was dense! I could go on and on about this thing, but then again, will they listen? Won’t they go ahead and lift the storyline of a Bollywood movie and do a sorry remake of it? We have access to the best media technology as it advances, yet some directors would rather record on VHS (the oldest form of video recording alive-cassette)…I want to be an actress…I want so badly to be one! But most times I cringe when I see how stars interpret their roles…it almost looks as if they don’t have a clue what the character is about. That gives me such a headache!

People have jeered at me to stop criticizing Nollywood and feature in my own movie so they can see how I’d fare, but that on its own is a different ball game entirely. I don’t want to act as someone’s younger sister or daughter of a single parent or all that crap. Puhlease! I am young and edgy and upbeat and I love ‘Twilight’. I guess I just told you the kind of scripts I am looking out for; I love ‘A walk to Remember’, movies that will pull families to the cinemas with hankies and tissues and so much love to go around. I was so moved by the fact that Goodluck Jonathan gave a huge sum into the movie industry and honestly as much as I want the wad to, at least pass through my purse, I pray a loud prayer that God should open doors for me and speak to the imagination of these directors and producers and cause them to find favor in the sight of sponsors and ultimately make Nollywood serious competition for Hollywood and then hopefully, MS word will correct nollywood to Nollywood and we’ll all live happily ever after. To God be the Glory…The end...or is it the other way round?

Babe, Hafa Na?

So, its been an age since i last updated stuff on here and of course friends who are not even loyal followers of yours truly's blog are cringing to read new stuff. Hence, this post. But eh, charle, u fit to see am make e full o...lol i have somehow put an end to the SingleNaijaBabe series. This is because its a true life story and the subsequent write ups are so explicit, the people i wrote about wont find it difficult (at all) to figure themselves out in the story. And before anybody wi say, "ehen! so what?", let me remind you sharpish that it was a diary that i just felt was too funny not to be shared with other people but at this point, omo, water af pass the garium o. Lol. But to cut the long story short...the conclusion of the matter is that...ok, there's no conclusion. Hehehe. But seriously tho, its not over until  God says it is. Did i hear a #Gbam?

Joseph Benjamin and I at Gospel Night Live in September.
Moving on though, i want to start a new series as i am now an On air personality, a full fledged broadcaster (www.tcity.tv) and a brand manager (still learning that one sha) and i still wan be pro actress oooo. Lol. The concept is, i want to do like a similar SingleNaijaBabe series but, no conductor ishes again biko, Hahaha! Yeah, like a diary of what goes down with my jobs; with pictures and what not. It should make a good read na... trust me, the characters i come in contact with everyday these days will floor Conductor tales any day. Sometimes, i just sit down and want to recap events of my day or week and i literally start cracking up with laughter. So, well, heres another journey of too-fun-not-to-share-with-y'all. And lets hope things dont get too personal and then i have to do a new series, etc. Nigerian film tins abi? Lol. Happy independence celebration by the way! God bless Nigeria and everywhere else. Love y'all!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Nollywood (THEN)...Aaaarghhhh! - My Vent (1)

When I typed in ‘Nollywood’ on the computer, that red line which usually appears when you spell a word wrongly, underlined it (I just hissed and added the word to dictionary) which means that it is not a recognized word. The only option MS Word gave was Hollywood. I hissed again. After all, Nollywood is just a sorry imitation of Hollywood and the rather pathetic part is that we keep psyching ourselves as the third best movie making industry in the world. It’s because other countries do not have ‘wood’ added to the name of their movie industries and they did not even call us the third best, they said third largest because we can produce 50 movies in one day! That is fifty unrealistic English C.D’s that will have parts one and two. It is bad enough that we have ‘copied’ their name but it’s completely unacceptable to make movies that are archaic and infuriatingly unrealistic.

I am tired of stressing the fact that Hollywood is a place; more like a film village or even city because in Hollywood, if they need to make a movie about a storm or sea, they do not have to go to the sea, as in the real ocean, they use a small swimming pool and add effects that make the whole thing look so real. You see Nigeria? Nollywood is not even a film village or city; it’s a lot of Movie stars chilling in Surulere. Apparently, the extent to which our imagination can grow does not exceed movies on ‘juju’, unchanging love films that never move from ‘rich boy loves poor-no poverty stricken girl…parents refuse blatantly…boy rebels and marries girl…they suffer…parents don’t want to help…boy wont compromise his love…parents reconsider…blah blah blah’, or other love films where ‘girl loves guy…girls friend does too…girls friend blackmails girl…guy leaves 1st girl…truth is uncovered…guy retracts his steps…blah blah blah’…the stories are so predictable! Worse still is the way some of these stories are told. Gad!

Sometimes I get so enraged and want to go on and direct a movie of my own. The latest now is our soap operas. Hiss. 

...to be continued...

Saturday, November 5, 2011

All About Jake

His big brown eyes
That sparkle each time they look into mine
That intense look, that makes me weak to my knees.
His wide nose
That signature nose that doesn't fit 'just' anybody.
His mouth, his lips
If I go into details, I just might lose my salvation.
His arms, his slightly broad chest
For lack of a better word, are HOT!
The way he walks, no, bounces
Just makes me swell with laughter
Its so childish. He looks cute when he-
Tilts his head, suspends his torso
Lifts his feet one and half at a time
And proceeds with as much swagger as can be.
His smell.
His smell. Damn! Its delicious!
He's Jake.
His hair, the way he pauses his lips and nods his head
The way he reveres the Holy Spirit and wants to know God more
The things I love about Him.
I love the good things about him, his tad weirdness
I love him warts and all.
I love that he's romantic, and uses 'uber' in every sentence
'I love you bella, I uber do!'.
I love that (in his words), "as a true Naija boi, I am 60% tush and 40%razz"
I love that I can be myself around him and...
I jes love Jake; all of him and all about him.
I love him man, err I uber do!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Diary of a Single Naija Babe (SNB)


Sept 2009
As if I have not had enough of this TA* office drama, the guy has refused to let me be. He practically stalks me-in the office o- I don’t even have freedom of movement anymore. He is still pleading to take me out to lunch and I have persistently refused because “I don’t do lunch”. The guy is even making me lie sef cos I soooo do lunch.lol…but with certain people. Don’t get it twisted-this aint arrogance. I just don’t want to get all touché with the dude so let’s not even attempt lunch. That aside; I don’t understand my recent attraction to conductors o. Lord have mercy! Me, I will soon stop entering bus o…ha! Seriously now; I saw another dude conductor today…o boy! The dude was rugged...in a sexy way. Do not laugh. The guy sat in front of me and he had this Idris Elba kinda back view and he was rugged like…uh…say…Nelly or worse still, Lil Wayne. He sagged his trousers in a freaking rugged way and sat like some nerd. I was totally admiring the dude, but he did not even notice me…he had his eyes on some other chic who was equally hot, and friendly. I just had to take my eyes off him cos my mind was not completely there and stuff…PB would be travelling to further his studies in Sweden. It was now official. I think I was one of the very first peep he informed and when he told me, I was happy for him, but my heart still wanted him around. TA wasn’t even making things any easier; he would be professing undying love to me and DM* sef was another stalker-always calling and running down my phone battery. Hiss. LK*, my weekend hubby is still on my case o and some other dudes too numerous to mention. Lol. I just can’t stop imagining what would happen when PB eventually leaves…considering the fact that I think his BFF has the hots for me…again. Shebi if we was already Bonny and Clyde, there wouldn’t be any of these complications…?


*Initials of scopers
                                                                                                                        Signed,
                                                                                                                            SNB.

Diary of a Single Naija Babe (SNB)


Am new here and, my post, i know, but its a series i wrote a while ago...hope you all like it? Fingers crossed...well, here goes!

Aug 2009
Another day has come and gone o and I am still feeling indifferent about a lotta things, you know. It’s like every day I meet new guys that just trigger competition on PB* but I know that they do not stand a chance; if only he knew! Hiss. Anyways, so this day I am going home, and I have to go to CMS first to get the bus and every. In short, today was just completely funny. True. You can’t imagine who caught my attention today…get ready for this o…a conductor! Don’t laugh because it’s not funny. The guy was so fine and he had this smile about him that made me dreamy! Its unbelievable…I know! But I couldn’t help it. Ah, when the guy now wanted to collect my fare, he said something like…’fine geh’…o boy! I blushed o…forget! Lol. I just fronted for the guy and bit my lips from smiling…see, the guy was fine o, true. It was just that he was dressed…well…like a conductor, but his looks were OMG!!! I now started imagining that I would…God forbid…take this kinda guy to popsy and introduce him as my boo. Hahahaha…Nigerian film proper! We sha left the bus station and I realized that the guy would not follow us to our destination. I wasn’t happy o…at all. Lol. I’m being serious. But shey you know that if I had a boo, I wouldn’t be daydreaming about a conductor. A conductor!!! Gad!!! What was I thinking???!!!

*PB-Potential Boo
                                                                                                                        Signed,
                                                                                                                            SNB.